


A Thrawny Encounter

by Kelly_Grosskreutz



Category: Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Thrawn Trilogy - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Parody of Mist Encounter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21840310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_Grosskreutz/pseuds/Kelly_Grosskreutz
Summary: A parody of the short story "Mist Encounter" by Timothy Zahn.NOTE: I am rating it for general audiences because the content is appropriate for anyone, but there is one spot where a character drops the F-bomb a couple of times, and that's solely because I was appropriating a quote fromThe Blair Witch Project.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	A Thrawny Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> "Mist Encounter" was originally published in Star Wars Adventure Journal Volume 1 Issue 7. Not sure if it was ever published anywhere else, but it's definitely worth tracking down if you are a Thrawn fan and have never read it, as it details the Empire's discovery of Thrawn. I know the story is an obscure thing to parody, but I can't help it that I felt inspired to write a parody about this.

(The _Starwayman_ appears from hyperspace and heads for the only planet in the vicinity. A moment later, an Imperial Star Destroyer also enters the system and begins firing on the _Starwayman_. The shots don't even come close to hitting the _Starwayman_.)

(aboard the _Starywayman_ )

BOOSTER: Nyah, nyah, can't catch us!

(aboard the Impstar)

PARCK: Get me those smugglers! (The Impstar floors it.)

(aboard the _Starwayman_ )

LLOLLULION: They're gaining, Booster!

BOOSTER: Don't worry, they're not going to catch us.

(They fly over a tiny settlement.)

LLOLLULION: Hey, Booster, let's land here and see if anyone here would be willing to help us.

BOOSTER: That's all right, Llollulion.

LLOLLULION: Why not?

BOOSTER: Because, unless Inspector Horn is aboard that ship, I can't be touched. Only he can bring me down. Besides, who ever heard of anyone important ever living by him or herself out in the middle of nowhere as a hermit?

(The _Starwayman_ hides while the Impstar flies around aimlessly.)

PARCK: (to Barris) I want a landing party assembled and ready to go in an hour. I also want a couple of TIE fighters down scouring the surface. We'll ferret those smugglers out of hiding if it's the last thing I do.

BARRIS: Yes, sir.

PARCK: Oh, yeah, make sure that all troops know to have their weapons set on stun.

BARRIS: Stun? But, sir, we're Imperials. We don't use stun settings.

PARCK: Um, we can't just gun down suspects unless they try to hurt us first. So far they've done nothing except run from us.

BARRIS: Since when?

PARCK: Since always, Barris. Give the Emperor time. He just took control a week ago, and he hasn't quite gotten around to signing the new "All Suspects Are Automatically Guilty" law into effect yet. Besides, we want these smugglers alive, remember?

BARRIS: Oh, yeah, that's right.

PARCK: Now go carry out your orders.

BARRIS: Yes, sir! (Barris exits the room.)

**THE NEXT MORNING**

(Barris and Parck are talking over their comlinks.)

BARRIS: Captain, we wanna come back up to the ship! Please let us come back to the ship!

PARCK: Have you caught those smugglers yet?

BARRIS: (angrily) No, we haven't, sir!

PARCK: (slightly annoyed) I've told you six times now that you cannot return to the ship until you have apprehended those smugglers.

BARRIS: Those _smugglers_ have us under siege! I feel like I'm in the middle of the Clone Wars!

PARCK: I don't see what your problem is. What are those stormtroopers I sent down doing?

BARRIS: The stormtroopers are completely worthless! One of them is fucking _lost, and he was the one with the fucking map! Now he's fucking lost in the fucking forest, and we're probably all going to fucking die because you won't let us come back up to the fucking shop!_ (a brief pause, then perfectly calm) Sir.

PARCK: All right, I can see that you're clearly incapable of capturing a child right now. You can assemble the men and come back.

BARRIS: _Yippee!!_ I mean, thank you, sir. (The comlink clicks off.)

(Barris and Parck are now in the Impstar's hangar bay, as is a familiar-looking blue-skinned alien.)

PARCK: (to Barris, gesturing to the alien) This is our smuggler?

BARRIS: No, sir, but he is the one who found the map and showed us how to get back here.

PARCK: (turning to the alien) You found their map? (The alien nods.) We can use people like you in the Empire. Competent officers are few and far between, and I think you may have the right stuff to be one of them. What's your name, anyway?

THRAWN: I am called Mitth'raw'nuruodo'rooter.

BARRIS: Roto-Rooter?! (He starts to laugh. Parck throws him a dirty look, and he slowly gets himself back under control.)

PARCK: Mitth'raw'naroto-rooter, I have to ask you, how did you accomplish those multiple attacks of terrorism all by yourself?

THRAWN: It was quite simple, really. When I was exiled, I was able to bring with me only a few items. I chose a ball of yarn, five nails, a pack of silly putty, and my favorite teddy bear. Using those items along with the few things I was able to gather from the natural surroundings of the planet, I was able to construct enough items to wage a full-scale assault upon your pitiful little band for at least two weeks.

BARRIS: You built all those missile launchers, missiles, grenades, communications jamming equipment, and blasters from just those few items?

THRAWN: Yes.

BARRIS: And not only that, you were also the one responsible for putting those whoopee cushions under all the cushions on the shuttle and the talking Ewok toy in my refresher?

THRAWN: Yes. What did you think of the Ewok, by the way?

BARRIS: I almost had a heartattack when it said, "Yub, yub, Commander!"

THRAWN: (smiling slightly) Then it had the desired effect.

PARCK: (in awe) Forget Roto-Rooter, you should be called MacGyver!

THRAWN: Please don't insult my superior intellect. I may have watched MacGyver reruns to learn your language, but that's all I learned from that show.

PARCK: This does bring up something I need to address, though. If you joined the Empire, you'd have to call yourself something else. Too many idiots like Barris here would think you were a plumber otherwise.

BARRIS: Hey!

THRAWN: I understand completely. You can call me Thrawn, then. I've always preferred that name anyway. So much easier to say and spell.

PARCK: Thrawn it is. Welcome to the Empire!

THRAWN: I will join you on two conditions.

PARCK: And they are?

THRAWN: That I be made a Grand Admiral in the next decade or so, and that I never have to deal with incompetents like Barris.

PARCK: No problem with the first part, but I can't guarantee the second part. There are far too many of them around to keep them all away from you. But we'll try to get you the ones with the most potential to become non-idiots.

THRAWN: That is acceptable. (They shake hands, then Parck puts his arm around Thrawn's shoulders and walks him toward the door.)

PARCK: This could be the start of a beautiful relationship...

BOOSTER: (voiceover) Thrawn? That guy was Thrawn? I can't believe this. I really wish I would've contacted him now.

## The End

**Author's Note:**

> Written July 29, 2000. Published here without corrections or revisions.


End file.
